A Christmas Tale

Cole took the boys Christmas shopping for me Thursday night. He made my mom go with him for backup. When they got home at 10 o'clock that night Caulder had this tale to tell:

Caulder: "And we were driving really fast, because the store was going to close, but then we missed the exit, so Dad was like BRRRRRRR NRRRRRR, and then we were driving down through the pit and it was all bumpy and Dad said 'Eff!'"

Me: "Coleseph!"

Caulder: "It's okay, Mom. It's just a letter. And then we got to the store, and we went running in, and Tukk didn't even have his shoes on. It was crazy! Oh yeah, and then we stopped at the State Laundry Store."

Hmm. Interesting. And now you know why my children are no longer allowed to go shopping with their dad or my mom.

The Countdown Is On

You'd think that with one of Santa's elves watching their every move and reporting back to the big man each night, a certain pair of little boys would be on their best behavior. You'd be wrong. I think they've already figured out that Santa lacks the cojones to actually give them nothing but coal for Christmas. I hear he's a pushover. What a wuss.

Our Holiday Staycation

I had vacation hours to use or lose, and Cole was working, so the boys and I had ourselves a little Utah staycation. We tried out Santaquin's new bakery. We went to our local kickboxing class (you should see Caulder's kickboxing moves - amazing). We had a slumber party at Cole's hotel room one night. We dragged Aunt Rylee along for a swimming day, then had hot chocolate and popcorn at her apartment afterward. We slept in. We decorated sugar cookies. We ate sugar cookies for breakfast two days in a row. And we bundled up for a visit to the lights at temple square. It was a fantastic week. Then I had to go back to work. The transition was rough. A few days into it Caulder told me, "I can't wait until you die so you don't have to work anymore." Amen, little man. Amen.

Tukker's Daily Diet

Breakfast: scrambled eggs with a teaspoon of olive oil added, cheese on top, dipped in sour cream or ranch.

Second Breakfast: a fried egg, toast, and sausage (stolen off of Cole's plate, even though Tukk ate just moments before).

Elevensies: A fruit smoothie with whole milk and powdered milk to add extra calories, or yogurt or cold cereal. Silverware optional.

Lunch: grilled ham and cheese (with a pound and a half of butter smeared on each side of the bread), mac and cheese with extra butter and whole milk, and fruit, which he takes one bite of and spits on the floor, then says "Sak out!" meaning let Sakett in to eat it.

Post Lunch Lunch: Leftovers from dinner the night before, with extra butter or a little olive oil added.

At this point we have a blessed 2-3 hour food break, because all this eating is exhausting and the Tukk needs a long nap.

After-Nap Snack: Oreo cookies, sugar cookies, chocolate... anything with lots of sugar that he can smear all over his face and then use to leave a trail of crumbs throughout the house - a boy's gotta make sure he can find his way back to the fridge, you know.

Dinner: One serving of whatever culinary delight I've made (lately that's been more grilled cheese and a can of soup) fat packed with ranch, butter, sour cream, or olive oil, or some combination of all four. Then another couple of servings as he crawls over the table demanding bites from everyone else's plates.

Bedtime Snack: An ice cream cone, hold the cone.

As you can see, the Tukk follows the same eating plan as a hobbit. And after consuming his own body weight in food every day, it's easy to see why he's doing some serious beefing up.

And by beefing up I mean losing weight. In October he was down 2 ounces. "Is he just not eating well?" his nurse asked me at his monthly weigh-in. I gnashed my teeth. All the boy does is eat. He wakes up some mornings, stands up in his crib and yells, "Momma! Eeeeeee! [eat!]" And it doesn't stop all day. The kid is an eating machine. We fat pack him, go through olive oil by the gallon... I even made the supreme sacrifice of gaining 5 pounds just to show him how it's done (or possibly because I can't stop shoving food in my face. But I say we go with the motherly sacrifice theory). The kid's going to have a heart attack at age 5 from all the butter we're feeding him, but still he loses weight. So we decided it was time to employ our secret weapon:

At his next weigh-in he was up 12 ounces. Gotta love holiday weight gain.

Give Thanks

This Thanksgiving, I have a lot to be thankful for.

I'm thankful that I'm not raising the kind of boys who would race each other down the hall, ram their Fisher Price car into the bedroom door and cause this. Caulder assured me it wasn't them. No no, it must have been the work of some anonymous ne'er-do-well, or perhaps a nefarious ghost.

I'm thankful that I have boys who are such big helps when it comes to cleaning.
I'm thankful that Tukker is getting so big he no longer needs to sit in his high chair or use lids on his sippy cups.

I'm thankful that if we ever get stranded in a blizzard in our car, we'll be able to survive for 3 weeks thanks to my children's foresight in leaving "food storage" behind every time we go anywhere. I'm also thankful that when I was cleaning this up, I didn't succumb to temptation and devour half of the cold, greasy fries that were stuck to the seat. Oh, that's right... nevermind.I'm thankful to be the proud mother of the world's greatest food inventor. Caulder's latest "creation" was formulated using milk, honey, oatmeal, syrup, sugar, every spice in our spice drawer, berries, hot chocolate, and canned peas.

I'm thankful that he was so proud of his new creation he wanted to share it with the whole family. I'm also thankful that he served Cole the last cup, because it contained all the sludge from the bottom.

And I'm especially thankful that Tukker will eat anything, because he finished off my cup for me. He kept saying "Mmmmmm!" as he picked out the peas that were floating on the top.

And I'm thankful to have a new pet at our house. I came in Tukk's room the other day to find that he'd dumped the entire humidifer tank on the carpet and was lapping water out of the reservoir. When I asked him (with the utmost patience and sweetness, of course) what he was doing, he said, "I puppy momma!" Of course.

Obviously, I have a lot to be grateful for. I really think the only way I could be more grateful would be if I could afford a maid. Maybe that's what I should ask Santa for this year.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Twist Rules

Instead of listing my favorite things about Caulder on his birthday like I did for Tukk, I subjected all of you to this post. My apologies. So I'm making up for it now by doing a favorites post for CJ. (By the way, I hereby solemnly vow never to blog when I'm suffering from the wicked combination of birthday emotions and PMS. Also, I should probably solemnly vow never to mention PMS on my blog again.)

Favorite thing #1: The kid's got style, even when he's sick. (He got RSV early in October, poor boy.)

Favorite Thing #2: He has an amazing imagination. He can keep himself busy playing for an hour with just a pen. I'm serious. He just switches back and forth between pretending it's a rocket ship, sword, alien fighter, gun, pirate treasure...

Favorite Thing #3: He's crazy about his pesty little brother. Tukker literally follows him around all day trying to do everything he does, including stealing the toys Caulder's playing with and generally being a bother. But Caulder hardly ever loses his temper with Tukk. He's always good to play with him and humor him, and he even helps Tukker's therapists out when they're trying to get Tukk to do something he doesn't want to do. To show his gratitude, Tukker has recently taken to running up to Caulder and nearly bowling him over with a hug. They both love it.

Further proof that it's true brotherly love? Caulder shares the sacred and holy Toots with Tukk. Tootsie has been Caulder's best friend since he was about 6 months old. Cole and Caulder walked into a pharmacy to get a prescription when Caulder sighted the stuffed dog. It was love at first sight. He screamed with joy, and Cole was wise enough to see it would be a love affair for the ages, so they left the pharmacy with the prescription AND a new puppy. Caulder and Toots have been inseparable ever since, and no one - seriously, NO ONE - messes with Toots. It's the one toy we never make Caulder share, but he's happy to share him with Tukk. Tukk recently had to get a shot, and Caulder told me to take Toots with him to the doctor's office so he could cheer Tukker up afterward.

Favorite Thing #4: He does great impressions. He'll limp around the house imitating Tukk's gimpy walk perfectly (I know, we shouldn't laugh, but he's not doing it to be mean, and he walks JUST LIKE HIM. It's hilarious). And when he impersonates Cole he talks in a hick accent and says, "Hey guys, let's go cook up some bacon and some sausage and some steaks." Spot on.

Favorite Thing #5: Caulder has recently decided to add to his menagerie. He said he didn't want Toots to get lonely. So now at bedtime we not only have to locate Toots, we have to keep track of all these guys. It makes for some awesome bedtime snuggling. We especially enjoy this at 3 in the morning when Caulder wakes up, crosses the hall to our room, and climbs into bed... with ALL of his "buddies" in tow. We're thinking it's time to invest in a California king.

Favorite Thing #6: He loves to sing. He somehow managed to escape my musically challenged curse (I sing like Frankenstein), and he has a beautiful voice. My favorite is when he sings while he's using the bathroom in the morning. Love it.

Favorite Thing #7: Caulder bases his choice of clothing on who he's being that day. If he's Indiana Jones, he needs his cowboy hat and boots (even if he's wearing shorts). If he's a Jedi, he needs pants with pockets so he can put his light saber - excuse me, light saver - in them. Sometimes he wears an interesting combination of clothing if he's morphing characters and being, say, the Wolverine mixed with a Jedi mixed with Spiderman. And if you can't keep up with all this, heaven help you, because Wolverine/Luke Skywalker/Spiderman shows no mercy. Favorite Thing #8: Dressing up when you have a world to save is one thing, but when the planet's not in danger, Caulder's ideas on modesty are unique. One day this fall he'd just gotten out of the tub when I went outside to water the flowers in our front yard. He came strolling out in his birthday suit and I said, "Don't you think you should get dressed?" He replied, "It's okay Mom. I'm not cold." Because avoiding a chill is really the only reason you need to wear clothes. Favorite Thing #9: He's absolutely crazy about his dad. There are daddy's boys, and then there's Caulder. He thinks his dad is the greatest human to ever walk the planet. It doesn't matter what's going on - he's always on his dad's side. I think his complete adoration for all things Coleseph can best be described using a conversation I overheard him having with my mom about bears:

Yaya: "Caulder, who do you think would win in a fight between a black bear and a grizzly bear?"

Caulder: "My dad."

No doubt about it.

Preemie Ninja Day

Today is National Prematurity Awareness day. The March of Dimes says:

"The rate of premature birth has risen more than 30 percent since 1981. In half the cases, we simply don't understand what went wrong. The March of Dimes is leading the fight for answers. And, ultimately, preventions."

"While medical advances give some babies a chance of survival, for many babies premature birth is a life-or-death condition. Babies who survive can face serious health challenges and risk lifelong disabilities. November 17 is dedicated to raising awareness of the crisis. We need to fight - because babies shouldn't have to."

1 in every 8 babies is born prematurely. That's too many. And since The Tukk was that 1, we're joining the blogging world to blog for a preemie we love today.

You guys know Tukk's story and the many challenges he's overcome, so you're already aware of the difficulties preemies face. By all rights Tukker shouldn't even be here, but we were very blessed and got to keep him around. We're thankful every single day for that. So instead of going into details about how craptastic prematurity is, I'll give some suggestions for what you can do for national preemie day today (my children won't listen to me, so I'm going to boss you guys around, instead. heh heh heh):

1. Support the March of Dimes. The research they fund really does help these teensy guys have a better chance to survive and thrive. Their funding helped developed artificial surfactant, which is squirted into preemie's lungs to help them open more easily. Tukker got 2 doses of this after he was born. They also helped developed the oscillator ventilator, which Tukker was on... forever.

2. If you're pregnant, take good care of yourself and your burgeoning bump. And give your uterus a mental high 5 from me for doing its job.

3. Give yourself a virtual high 5 from the Bott clan for praying for and cheering on our preemie. We love you for it.

4. And remember: "We need to fight - because babies shouldn't have to." Even though Tukk has some serious ninja fighting skills, his life would have been MUCH easier if he'd been able to keep cooking with no complications for another 13 weeks.

Preemies are awesome, but prematurity sucks. (Go ahead and put that on a T-shirt if you want to.)

Saying Goodbye

Cole's Grandma Donna passed away last Sunday. She was amazing. Cole spent lots of time with her when he was younger - fishing, camping, exploring caves, trying to burn down her cellar with three of his cousins. After that little episode she lined the four of them up on her porch and made them give her the scout salute and then swear by the scout oath they'd never do that again. See? She was awesome.

She loved having her family around her. She has bunches of great grandsons, and even when they were all running amok and being loud and crazy at her house she didn't mind. She'd just laugh and watch them go. Her viewing was at a local church, and of course the little boys got tired of just sitting, so they soon found their way to the gym and began playing on the stage and shooting hoops. All us grownups were in the viewing room crying and being sad, and when I went to check on the boys they were laughing and screaming and having a great time. I bet you five bucks Grandma Donna got tired of our boo-hooing, too, and was hanging out with her great grandsons shooting hoops and jumping in the leaves.

Grandma was always so proud of our boys. She absolutely LOVED her great grandkids. Even though her health wasn't great she made Cole's Aunts take her to the NICU so she could meet Tukker after he was born. That meant so much to me. For a while Tukk and Grandma were both on oxygen together. I remember once when we took the kids to visit her Tukk just laid on her lap, gooing at her and kicking his scrawny little legs. I think he was excited to see someone with a matching nasal cannula. Grandma cracked up when she got to see him cruising around in his walker, especially since she was using one at the time, too. And she was so excited when she got to see him walking on his own.

She thought Caulder was hilarious. She loved it when she could get him talking - he was always chatty at her house. He'd tell her all sorts of stories, and she never got tired of listening to him. She especially loved it when he'd draw a picture for her or sing to her. She even managed to coax a few hugs out of him, which is quite an honor. And she thought it was great when he decided to start calling her Grandma D.

She was always so happy and so excited to spend time with family. Plus her Christmas Eve parties were legendary. Christmas was her favorite holiday. She made the night before Christmas so much fun that everyone in her family looks forward to Christmas Eve even more than Christmas Day. Our Christmases won't be the same without her there.

I wish I could tell you how truly amazing she was, but I don't have the words. We love her so much. We'll miss you Grandma D.

A Magic Moment

You know those parenting moments when you feel a sudden burst of love for your child that's so overwhelming you swear your heart is going to explode right out of your chest, and where you realize how very, very lucky you are to be a parent?

This was not one of those moments.

I Heart October

We did some serious pre-Halloween partying this year. For your first Trick or Treat (get it? oh man, that was good....) you get to enjoy this: The World's Most Unflattering Family Picture, including random blond girl we don't know. I would like to thank our photographers, the Collard family, for capturing this creepy and horrifying Halloween picture of Cole and me. Wooooooo. Hoooooo (that's a scary ghost noise, in case you were wondering).

Tukk and Corby loving the tractor at the Red Barn pumpkin patch. I think Corby's only about 2 weeks older than Tukk, but he's much more gigantic. Well, much taller. They're both a bit scrawny, but they make up for it in awesomeness.

With Tukk's love of cows and nuh-nuhs, he's pretty much destined to be a farmer. Plus he'll be able to stick a piece of straw between his gapped teeth to chew on, so he'll be the envy of farmers for miles around.

Caulder enjoying the tractor ride to the pumpkin patch.

Pre-Halloween party #2: carving pumpkins with some of the cousins on Cole's side of the family.

Nothing beats hangin' with your cousins and drinking a mean batch of witch's brew.The spooky fruits of our labors.Pre-Halloween Party #3: Caulder let Tukk and me tag along on his pre-school class field trip to the pumpkin patch.

Pre-Halloween Party #4: Carving pumpkins with my side of the family while the Okies were still in town.

As for the big night, Caulder went as a Jedi. I'm pretty sure the look on his face would scare off any evil siths.

Tukker was a mad scientist. In a hurricane. That is some sweet hair.

And for the annual Muniz Halloween party, we showed off our best selves. I was an 80s rocker. Cole... well... he was everyone's dream come true. He went dressed as a Brokeback Mountain cowboy, complete with daisy duke cutoffs and pink thong. He dressed like this for his family party. Impressionable young children were present. So were his parents. I'm sure they were proud.

The kiddos dug through "worms" for bugs, spiders, and other spooktastic prizes.

And Tukker thought his dad looked so good that he decided to switch costumes halfway through the night.

Cole also decided to go for a costume change. I caught him halfway between outfits. I think this should be a permanent look for him. Grrrrrrrrr...

And just to make sure this is a Halloween none of you ever forgets, I'll leave you with this little treasure. Let the emotional scarring begin!