Never Drop Your Guard

You need to be prepared when the zombie hordes approach.

Memorial Day Trip

We spent Memorial Day in Torrey this year, and it was so awesome. 

We rode up to Hell's Hole and showed Jed and his girls some of our favorite hangouts/climbing spots. 

Torrey is so pretty.

Pippy loved following Caulder around. She calls him "that big boy." "I want to play with that big boy!" "Where's that big boy?" "I put that big boy in jail so he can't leave until I say."

We've been to this little rock formation a billion times and hiked all over, but this time we discovered you can hike through on one end and then shimmy out the top on the other side... if you can fit through what we affectionately named The Devil's Crack.

Look at these two lovebirds. Spending time with them restores your faith that some love stories really can last forever. 

Rand loved having Irie and Piper to hang with. They are some seriously cool chicas, and I love love love having them around to help balance the OTF - Overwhelming Testosterone Forces - that I typically have to face on my own.

At least those who are contributing to the OTF are stinking cute. Even when they're slightly glaring at me because I won't let them freeclimb to the top of the 40-foot rock formation by themselves. It's hard to understand why I would think that wasn't a good idea. This is why I'll never be allowed into the inner circles of the OTF.

This is at Hell's Hole. Crazy awesome rock formations.

The scenery is majestic. But the husband is even more majestic.

Tukk loves climbing all over the place. He enjoys it almost as much as he enjoys the 17 heart attacks I have every time I see him scaling the side of a cliff like a goat. Sometimes I think he actually enjoys watching my heart explode MORE than he enjoys the climbing.

All that adventuring is exhausing. Rand slept the whole ride home.

We also hiked Cohab Canyon.

The switchbacks at the beginning in the blazing sun are murder.

But then you enter the actual canyon and find cool spots like this:

They were trying to escape the sun. It was HOT.

Rand finally got worn out enough to agree to let us put him in his backpack. You'd think hitching a ride while you lounge in comfort with your sippy cup would be the best thing ever. But when you're a stubborn 2-year-old who is (clearly) just as big as all the other kids on the hike, it's really degrading and offensive to even be ASKED to ride. What kind of a monster would try to get you to rest your legs and RIDE ON HER BACK to save you from the heat? Obviously someone who, despite being surrounded by its members, will never understand the thinking of those in the OTF.

We also visited Grandpa's grave while we were there. I think Grandma Jan stopped by about 8 times. She really, really misses him, and so do the rest of us.

Tukk figured out the best way to cool down. 

And Rand discovered the amazing truth that you can, in fact, eat the cone. Memorial Day success, all the way around.

Showmanship

You guys. I found some old posts from last year that I never published because I'm a moron. I'm catching up with them today!

This dude really knows how to pose for the camera.

Fitness face:

Excited face:

Beaver face:

Ready for action face:

Goober teeth face:

I'm even adorable when I pull this face face:

Chocolate face:

I just learned to climb the stairs to the cabin face:

I just got busted making (another) mess face:

Being this fantastic is exhausting face.

This Is Proof

That everyone looks cooler in a 10 gallon hat.

He was so little. How did the time go so fast?

You're Never Too Big

To sit on Yaya's lap.

Even if you snap both of her femurs.

Instant Forgiveness

How do you gain instant forgiveness for climbing up on the counter SEVENTY-FIVE THOUSAND TIMES A DAY, even though you know you're not supposed to, dumping water all over the house, spilling and destroying everything, and always, ALWAYS putting your dinner on your head? 

You sleep like this:

And (most importantly) you do this.

Because you may only be two, but you've already learned your mom is a total sucker.

Caulder Speaketh

Caulder: Dad, I have a million dollar idea! We should sell ghosts in a bottle. Some guy made millions selling pet rocks, so I think we could get rich!
Cole: That's a great idea. Let's do it!
Caulder: Come on, Dad. That wouldn't actually work. We're a lot smarter now than you guys were in the 90s.

That was the worst thing I've ever had to endure. (after stake conference)

Me: What do you think, Caulder?
Caulder: I haven't been paying attention. I was eating broccoli and being disgusted by it. I was eating it for the nutrition, NOT the taste.

Caulder: Did you spill your grape juice everywhere, Rand?
Rand: Yeah.
Caulder: Thanks for that. I'm being sarcastic, by the way.

Me: What's with the sweatband?
Caulder: I put it on because I had to poop.

Me: Should I shower and get dressed, since people are coming over to buy the elliptical this morning? Or should I just stay in my grubbies since I'll be cleaning out the basement?
Caulder: Don't shower. Just tell them you're going through a rough divorce.
Me: What are you talking about?
Caulder: What? I don't hear you coming up with any good ideas.

Caulder: Wanna see my impression of an old man?
Cole: Sure.
Caulder: Hey look at me! I'm Cole!

Our family has had bad luck lately. Did someone wake an ancient demon or break a mirror or something? Maybe someone angered a witch they found in the woods. It happens a lot, you know. 

I just read your text from Dad and he swore, so I told him not to swear in front of his children, gasping cat emoji. 

Did I tell you I invented a monster that's also a pun? The square wolf!

Tukker: I'm like a fish stranded on land. 

Caulder: I'm gonna edit your sentence for spice: I'm like a leviathan stranded on the shore.

Me: Does this shirt look okay?
Caulder: It kind of looks like a fancier version of a hospital gown.
Me: *changes shirt immediately*

Me: Will you guys be okay without us this weekend?
Caulder: Yaya is perfectly capable of taking care of us. After all, she managed to keep a dog AND a cat alive simultaneously for multiple years. Plus she had Darby. She can handle anything.

Tukk: Why did they call donkeys, you know, the A word in the Book of Mormon?
Caulder: First they were called donkeys. Then the gangsters moved in and started calling them straight up donks.

I'm going back for dessert. And by dessert I mean more biscuits and gravy.

If Dad dies from this, which is likely, at least we can put on his grave: He died doing what he loved. Being stupid.