Things That Happen on Daddy Day

My boys get lots of time with Cole when I'm at work, and they LOVE the adventures they have on Daddy days. 

They eat yellow snow. Cole promised me it was pina colada snow cone flavoring. Please bless that was true. 

I get a text at work saying, "I might be in trouble. I just spent $50 on water guns."

But I guess you can't really put a price on saving the world through total backyard warfare, right?

They go outside in the freezing cold to look at star formations on the iPhone app.

They always have a well-stocked, balanced freezer: orange AND banana.

They get haircuts like this, which last until you get home, "accidentally" hack the tail off and then make your husband solemnly swear he will never, ever do that again. Because really, our kids already have enough redneck in their genes. We don't need to help them along...

They take cooking lessons, complete with a dad-made chef's hat.

They build time machines and spend four days straight manipulating the space/time continuum.

They prepare for an occupation as a tattoo artist by designing their own sleeves.

They have popcorn.... with bacon.

They show up at preschool like this:

They do homework together...

...and accidentally use a sunblock stick instead of a glue stick. It may make for a greasy turkey, but at least it's a turkey who's less likely to get skin cancer.

It's no wonder the Bott man is the favorite of all the wild things at this house. How could you not love a Dad like this? 

Woss Begas

My job sent me to Las Vegas for a few days two weeks ago, and because they've been working me like a dirty dog lately I convinced my boss to let me have my family come down and stay in the hotel with me for the last two nights. We haven't been to "Woss Begas," as Tukk calls it, for years, and it was the Tukkster's very first trip, so we packed as much in as we could in the short time we had.

We went to the aquarium at Mandalay Bay

The boys loved the shark exhibit.

Tukker was brave and touched a sting ray.

Oooooh...so creepy you can't look away. (I'm talking about the jellyfish, people, not my amazingly pasty white face.)

"Swim with sea turtles" is on my bucket list. I almost dived in, but somehow "swim with captive sea turtles while other tourists laugh and point at the crazy pasty lady in the aquarium exhibit" just doesn't have the same romantic, bucket list-y ring to it, so I refrained.

Even more amazing than sharks, near-albino mothers and glowing jellyfish is a hotel room that has a television IN THE MIRROR! It blew these little rednecks' minds. 

So did staying on the 44th floor. They thought it was a-may-zing. Especially when we got to take the elevators down to the lobby. They went so fast it made your tummy flip flop and your ears pop. I'm pretty sure Tukk almost had a heart attack the first time he tried it.

Cole was impressed by the view out the window, too. That's right, baby... the Erotic Heritage Museum. Obviously he's a classy guy who can appreciate culture and refinement.

When we weren't busy riding up and down in the elevators, gazing longingly out the window at Las Vegas's classiest museum, or watching TV in the bathroom we were spending quality time having brownies and whipped cream for breakfast.

We also visited the gardens at the Bellagio. 

And of course there was swimming.

Lots and lots of swimming.

We got to hook up with our old pals the Judds on our last night for some food and catching up. We let the baboon babysit so we could spend more time talking. 

Caulder discovered a new place to hang out...

We didn't get much time together (my work actually expected me to work while I was there... what???), but it was nice to squeeze a little family time in when we could. 

Viva Woss Begas!

Snow Days

We've been buried in snow, so a couple of weeks ago we stole my parents' Ranger and took the kiddos and the mutt for a ride in the mountains behind our house. Cole drove the Ranger home from my parents' house like this, because it was so cold. That seems safe, right?

We had some "pretend you're falling off a cliff" moments. Tukk doesn't look too impressed with Caulder's acting skills. Maybe we need to have Uncle Kory start "carpet cliff" lessons.

We slid down snowy hills.

And we were impressed with the mutt's snow-dog skills. She's no Husky, but she LOVES the snow... until it gets all matted up in her fur and we have to bring her in the house and put her in front of a space heater to thaw her out. 

 The ultimate snow cliff train slide...

And, of course, we remembered the most important part of any snow day adventure: hot chocolate

And Li'l Smokies.

Tukker Talketh

Yeah, I wub wawee (Rylee)!

Hot gog hot gog hot giggety gog!

Gukkew bomb! (Tukker bomb! Which he yelled after jumping off my headboard onto the bed.)

I’m getting mawied. I’m gonna mawwy mommy!

Me: I have something in my eye.

Tukker: Is it a honey badger?

Tukk: Are we done wif my wotion?

Me: Not yet. We still have to lotion up your legs.

Tukk: Oh man! That sucks!

Just say desus Chist amen! (when Caulder’s prayer was running too long)

Yaya (after seeing Tukk messing with one of her decorations): What are you doing?

Tukk: Just tryin’ to break dis.

Tukk: So, you wub me, wight mom?

Me: Yes!

Tukk: So, will you come way (lay) by me?

Me: What happened in here? There’s water everywhere!

Tukk: I know. I did a joke!

CJ: Boys are made of snakes and spiders and badgers.

Tukk: Boys are made of a white badger and a black badger and two badgers and I wub ya!

Me: Tukk, did you make this huge mess?

Tukk: Yes. But you wub your buddy, wight?

Me: Yes, I love my buddy.

Tukk: And you don’t wanna be mad at your buddy, wight?

Me: *Sigh*…. I don’t wanna be mad at my buddy.

Tukk (with a look of trepidation as he held up his beloved Cow): Mom, is this a zebwa?

Me: Yes Tukk. It's a zebra.

Tukk (nearly in tears): Oh no.

Tukk (pretending to talk for Cow): Mooooooo. No, I not a zebwa. Ina cow!

Man, I wub dat kid. (Said this when Caulder was walking away)

Will you come over and give me a big hug?

Aunt Dess, I need some fwoot snacks because I’m supa hungee!

Here you go Desus! I wub ya! (shouted this joyfully as he let a balloon go up to heaven)

Mom, why are you such a big lady?

Mom, I’m gonna mawwy these Oweo cookies!

Me: What did the Lord command Nephi to build?

Tukk: A sandcastle!

Hey mom, you neva gonna believe dis. I’m sick.

 I need some dang candy!

Mom, I have wots of energy! (he yelled this as he sprinted past me at 9:30 one night)

Caulder Speaketh

Well that was awkward. (After I made him pose with Presley for a picture at Halloween.)

Mom, you’re so dramatic.

If you’re eating sausage and olive pizza, you’ll be livin’ the dream.

Why did they even invent live TV? I hate watching commercials!

CJ: What's 900+900+900?

Me: 2700

CJ: Oh man. I wish we had that much money. Then we could buy sausage!

 You know what you should have named me? Captain Alien. That would have been so much cooler.

Yes! I’m free from that boring place! (he shouted this exuberantly as we were leaving church one Sunday)

That was the longest prayer EVER! (he said this loudly, and with great disgust, in the middle of sacrament meeting. The entire row in front of us burst out laughing.)

That’s rated R! You can only see that if you’re immature.

I wish Jesus invented a gigantic bean pod that would make ice cream, and give you unlimited ice cream.

Dad, I bet the reason you can’t do a backflip on the trampoline and Mom can is that she’s younger than you and skinnier than you.

Why would they even name a planet Uranus? That’s just talking about your butt.

His teacher told us his class was talking about how much boys love guns, and how they can turn anything into a gun, and Caulder said, “Yeah! Just give me a meatball sub and I’ll turn it into a shotgun!”

Has anyone seen my unusually large pistol?      

Caulder: Do you know what I did a long time ago? I peed in the trash can.

Me: What?! Why?

Caulder: I think because I saw someone do it on TV.

Caulder: I'm going to be a spy. Who should I spy on first?

Me: How about Dad?

Caulder: No, I think I'm going to spy on Sadie. Sometimes I spy on the girls at recess. I spy on Presley because she used to be in my class.

 

What’s more romantic, a motorboat or a rowboat?

When I grow up I’m going to be living in Paris, because that’s the city of love and I’ll need to find a wife.